


Home Again

by Hinn_Raven



Series: Donut Siblings [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Siblings, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Homecoming, Humor, M/M, Meet the Family, Original Character(s), RvB Fluff Week, Small Towns, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:19:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6170638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinn_Raven/pseuds/Hinn_Raven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wash and Donut's family are a little strange, but that just means the Reds and Blues fit right in. </p><p>Drabbles set in the Donut Siblings universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Goodluckdetective (scorpiontales)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiontales/gifts), [Sroloc_Elbisivni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sroloc_Elbisivni/gifts).



> Happy Fluff War! Iz asked me for "Donut brings his brother Wash back home. His family loves Doc his boyfriend. Wash is horrified." And, since I did promise happy things in this universe, here it is!

There was a long list of things Wash expected to happen when he finally came home after years of being declared MIA, assumed dead. Yelling, fighting, hugging, crying, lots of awkward comments from Donut.

Doc had not featured on that list.

And yet.

Here he is. Sitting right across from Wash at the kitchen table, between Donut and Mitch, while Dad cooked. Mitch might own the house now, but no one is going to keep Dad out of the kitchen. Apparently Mitch’s wife had tried once, and it hadn’t been pretty. Andi, or, as Wash has always known her until she came through the door of his childhood home, married to his sister, Four Seven Niner, is clearly not happy, but she’s eating the food, which is probably a good sign.

Although she might still be mad at him. He isn’t sure. She’d tried to run him over with her wheelchair repeatedly when she’d realized that “ _You’re still alive, you complete and utter **bastard**!” _

Things are still tense. Wash keeps his head down and just eats. He’s missed home cooking. Tucker’s a fine cook, but he was working with army rations, not homegrown Iowa produce.

“So Frank,” Mom asks. “Where did you and Franklin meet?” Why Mom can’t just call Doc his nickname is beyond Wash—but then again, Mom isn’t much for nicknames. She’s the only one who still calls Mitch “Michelle”.

“Blood Gulch,” Doc’s grin is brilliant. He’s perfectly comfortable here, in a domestic setting. He’s wearing what looks suspiciously like a track and field high school jacket. He’s already charmed Mitch by asking her about her organic produce, Martha by complimenting her dogs, and Jackie seemingly just by existing. Dad loves anyone who eats his food, and Mom is just so happy that one of her kids is dating someone that she’d probably have been happy if Donut brought _Grif_ home. “I was sent there because there was an injury that needed attending!”

Wash stuffs more food into his mouth to stop himself from protesting that he’d been sent there to help with Agent Texas, whose body was long dead by the time that he got there. He’s let Donut do most of the talking about their adventures, and he’s not about to break in to correct Doc.

“When did you two get together?” Dad asks, bringing out another dish loaded with something. Wash suddenly can’t swallow, because he knows the answer—after he _shot Donut_. He keeps his eyes down.

“Oh you know!” Donut doesn’t seem to notice Wash’s expression or fear. “The others went off on a grand adventure to figure out more Blue Team problems! So Doc and Lopez and I started a farm!”

“Lopez was a great help!” Doc agrees.

“Did he do mechanical work?” Mitch asks. “Donut says he’s handy with machines.”

Donut grins. “He sure is handy! He’s always playing with nuts and bolts!”

“We mostly just used him as a scarecrow!” Doc replies. “He was _great_ at yelling at the birds.”

“Can’t have machines on an organic farm,” Donut says sagely.

Mitch frowns. “Donut, that’s not—”

Jackie shakes her head at her, cutting her off. Jackie has longed since learned the pointlessness in trying to correct Donut about anything. “That’s great!”

Doc goes off on a tangent about proper methods of fertilizing corn, and Wash stares at his food, wishing that he’d thought to bring Tucker or Carolina as backup.

It’s not that he hates Doc. It’s just that the man is a complete and utter _idiot_. And he also has the distinction of being one of the most annoying person Wash has ever met, and he shared a canyon with the Reds and Blues for several months.

“Stop it,” Jackie says to him, her elbow digging into his side. “I know you hate absolutely everyone Donut dates, but this is ridiculous.”

“I don’t hate him because he’s dating Donut!” Wash protests, trying to keep his voice down. He glances over. Doc and Donut are holding hands under the table, and it reminds him oddly of Chorus, on those last days before they’d managed to book the ship back to Earth. “I disliked him before they were dating!”

“It’s not psychologically healthy to hold grudges, Wash,” Jackie tells him.

Sometimes, he really hates the fact that she has that degree of hers. Jackie’s the youngest of his sisters, but she’s always acted so much older. Not responsible, mind you—Wash and Mitch got all of the responsible genes the family had to offer. But she’s too smart for her own good.

“ _Don’t_ psychoanalyze me Jackie. Please,” he adds, when he sees her expression.

“He never likes it, Jacqueline,” Doc says serenely. “When he was holding me hostage in the desert—”

“You held him _hostage_?” Mitch is glaring at him.

And this is another reason why he doesn’t want Doc here with his family.

“Wash!” Martha says. “You can’t just attack anyone Donut dates, just because he has a history of dating bad people!”

“He wasn’t dating Donut yet!” Wash protests. And then he pauses, her words sinking in. “And wait, who else has Donut dated?”

“Don’t worry,” Mitch says, stabbing her meat with more force than necessary. “I took care of them.”

Mitch and he are sometimes worryingly alike. He nods at her, and she grins at him. He’ll have to get her to tell that story later.

“Violence is not the best solution for everything!” Jackie snaps. “Don’t encourage Wash, he’s in a delicate mental state—”

“Can we _please_ not talk about my mental state?” Wash snaps. He really doesn’t need to hear this—he only managed to get out of UNSC mental evaluations by convincing Grey to sign off on it. He still owed her several opera recordings.

“Yeah guys!” Donut nods. “Wash doesn’t like psychologists. He killed his last one!”

Jackie stared at him, horrified. “Wash—”

“I didn’t kill him!” He pauses, remembering how Price died. “Technically. I didn’t know he was on the ship, and he was working for the enemy anyways!”

“Feeding them psychological weak points!” Donut grins.

Jackie seems to be getting more and more distressed. “What kind of psychologist did you _have_?”

“Trust me,” Wash says, mouth full of mashed potatoes. “You don’t want to know.”

Jackie’s glare promises him more questions in the future. “I’m setting you up with a _real_ psychologist,” she snaps, pointing her fork at him.

“Look, Freelancer was messed up, okay? I told you that.” Wash can’t meet her gaze. He fiddles with his silverware, trying to ignore how they’re all looking at him.

“One day you’ll tell us what happened to you,” Martha mutters.

“Doubt it,” Wash mutters back.

One of them kicks him.


	2. For a Given Definition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wash's family seems to keep growing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As "Growing Pains" revealed, I buy into the "Four Seven Niner is a Caboose sister" theory. Which prompted Nina to ask me how the revelation that Caboose and Wash are now related went down. 
> 
> And, since I'm always happy to add to this universe, I produced this little thing!

Now that Caboose and Carolina are settled in, Wash makes the painful mistake of assuming that things will settle down.

It does in many ways. Jackie continues to run her experiments on Grif and Simmons, and submits a paper to an academic journal about war time experiences on the psyche, which gets rejected for being too out there, which causes her to complain loudly to anyone who could hear for a week. Luckily, only Tucker and Donut seem to realize she wrote the paper about _them_.

Martha and Carolina get on like a house on fire, much to Wash’s alarm. Martha has an apartment in town, and her current roommate is leaving to get married. She’s already made Carolina the offer, “I know you love the boys, but you might want your own space, y’know?” Martha had said. “Plus, Shadow loves you. She’s a great judge of character.”

“She likes _Lopez_ ,” Wash yells from across the room, where Joel and Shannon are, once again, burying him under a pile of blankets and toy furniture. It’s some sort of ritual to cleanse him of his blueness. Wash honestly isn’t paying enough attention to know exactly what’s happening.

“I like Lopez, you jerk! Stop insulting my friend!”

“Why should I? You two insult us all the time!”

“You don’t speak Spanish, you can’t prove that!”

“Quiet Blue!” Joel yells, hands on his hips.

“Sorry,” Wash sighs, leaning his head back. He remembers when he thought his life would be peaceful after the war. He laughs at his past self slightly.

Carolina doesn’t accept the offer immediately, but she’s thinking about it, Wash knows. He thinks she should take it, not that he’s going to offer his opinion unless she asks for it first.

Mitch is currently fighting Doc and Donut for control of her farm—but despite that, she still adores Doc. She has, however, limited him to a small corner of the land for him to grow his experimental organic crops. “It’s my farm, Wash,” she growls at him, while Mikey the cat crawls onto her head. Mikey, like most cats, has a sense for people who aren’t fond of him, and take great joy in forcing them to deal with his company. “I am _not_ going to let Doc tell me how to run it!”

Wash opens his mouth, but she shushes him. “Stop it. He’s not that bad.”

Wash reluctantly closes it, but he still disagrees. He probably should tell Mitch the story of the desert one of these days, so she can understand just _why_ he and Doc don’t get along, but then she might ask why he’d taken Doc hostage in the first place, and then he’ll have to admit to luring Doc to Valhala, and _then_ he’ll have to admit to hurting Donut. Which, by tacit agreement with all the Reds and Blues, no one has mentioned.

He _probably_ should confess to that eventually, before Lopez tells Martha. The only reason he knows Lopez _hasn’t_ yet, is because Martha hasn’t fought him about it. It won’t matter to Martha that he’s got several inches and fifty pounds of muscle on her, not to mention years of military experience and a knife he carries at all times. Martha has never backed down from a fight, and when she knows, she’ll fight him.

Wash shifts slightly, and listens to Mitch complain about the guinea hens again. Apparently one of them got stuck in a tree, and Tucker had to get her down. Wash doesn’t want to know how that happened.

Niner, meanwhile, has mostly been basking in having her baby brother back, to the point where even her attempts at vengeance on Wash and Carolina have died down to putting salt in their coffee and sabotaging the hot water while they’re in the shower. The bruises on Wash’s shins are starting to fade.

Carolina doesn’t understand why Wash is so on edge—“You’ve been home a month,” she reminds him, nibbling at the cookies that Donut made yesterday. “Surely she’s over it by now.”

“It’s _Niner_.”

Carolina pauses, considering. “Maybe I really should move in with Martha,” she muses.

“Martha comes by every day, you can’t escape,” Wash says, gloomily eating a cookie.

It takes another three days for Niner to show her hand—Wash wonders when she learned to play the long game, and realizes it’s probably long-term exposure to his family. He wonders if he should start worrying about the Reds and Blues.

Then he remembers that Grif accidentally called Simmons his husband yesterday, and knows he already is. Mitch has started a betting pool on how long it takes them to go to city hall. Wash finally gave in and put down fifty dollars for two weeks’ time.

Wash is down in the herb garden, which is the only garden he’s actually allowed near—Mitch is _convinced_ that he’s a crop killer, which is just unfair, it was just that one time. And he’s only allowed to water the plants. He’s the _only one_ banned from picking things—even Carolina, who was infamous on the Mother of Invention for killing the supposedly unkillable plant York got her for Chanukah is allowed to pick tomatoes.

Mitch and Niner clearly married each other for their ability to hold petty grudges.

That’s where Caboose finds him.

“Agent Washington!” Caboose is practically vibrating with excitement, which probably should be a warning sign, but Wash has seen Caboose act like that when he first realized they had actual sheep on the farm, when he first fell into the pond, and when Tucker was attacked by Mitch’s prized (and evil) rooster.

Admittedly, the last one had been hilarious.

“Yes Caboose?” Wash pushes the ridiculous sunhat Donut likes to make him wear out of his eyes so he can peer up at the giant of a man.

“Freckles was just telling me that you are her brother now! And—and that _means_ —” Caboose’s bright blue eyes are the size of dinner plates, and his smile is wide enough to swallow a planet. “That _you are my brother now_!”

That’s all the warning he gets before Caboose scoops him up into the tightest hug ever. Of all time.

“Caboose!” Wash can feel his ribs threatening to crack. His hat has fallen eskew over his eyes, reminding him again of just how terrible taste Donut has. What kind of garden hat has pink lace?

The things he does for family.

That’s when he realizes that Niner totally did this on purpose, and he lets out a slight yelp as Caboose somehow manages to squeeze even tighter.

“Caboose! I need to breathe!”

“Sorry!” Caboose drops him right into the very muddy dirt he was just watering, and Wash sighs.

There are worse things in life, Wash supposes, sitting in the middle of an herb garden, wearing a pink lace hat, looking up at his newly acquired brother-in-law, and absolutely covered in mud.

He gives up, and lets his head fall down onto the tarp that runs between the rows of plants, and laughs until Caboose joins in, even though he doesn’t understand the joke.


	3. Thank Goodness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wash might not like Doc, but he really loves his baby brother. Which is why it's really awkward when he bursts into tears at Donut's wedding.

Donut and Doc decide to get married on a dreary day in the middle of winter.

Everyone’s sitting down to dinner. Mom and Dad are visiting again, and so Dad has, once again, co-opted the kitchen. He’s recruited Niner and Tucker to help, and the three of them are chopping and stirring and laughing, swapping stories.

Junior, Joel, and Shannon are playing in the living room, Shannon sitting in Junior’s lap while Joel hung off his shoulder. Wash gives it another half hour before they go upstairs and start playing, bored of flipping through Wash’s old comic books.

Grif and Simmons finally got hitched last week, and Donut is flipping through the photos he took, gushing about how perfect it all was.

Doc leans against Donut’s arm, watching. Wash rolls his eyes, and turns his attention to Caboose, who’s trying to convince Mikey the cat to be his friend by bribing him with a piece of Donut’s almond brittle.

“Caboose, Mikey can’t eat that,” Wash tries to tell Caboose, who pays no attention. Luckily, Mikey is ignoring Caboose, and is instead trying to eat Sarge’s bootlaces.

Suddenly, Donut’s squeak fills the room, drawing all attention to him.

“Oh my god you’re _right_ Doc! We _should_ get married!”

Wash drops his mug of coffee.

* * *

Apparently, one of his brother’s many superpowers is the ability to plan a wedding in less than three hours. Sarge, somehow surprising no one, is an ordained minister. When asked why he hadn’t officiated Grif and Simmons’ wedding, Sarge got incredibly offended. “What, and missed walking Simmons down the aisle? How dare you even consider that?”

Mitch, Jackie, and Martha take a great deal of enjoyment in Wash’s suffering, helping Donut decorate the barn in purple and pink. Even the cows get in on the theme, getting their heads draped in fake violets. The sheep try to eat theirs, so Mitch puts a stop to that.

They find all of the old folding chairs in the old shed, and Donut paints them bright pink, beaming widely. Wash keeps his mouth shut, and helps.

Donut’s happy. That’s what matters, he reminds himself, even as Doc begins a very incorrect explanation of the origin of various wedding traditions to his niece and nephew. Wash sighs, and doesn’t correct him.

Mitch and Marth fight Grif and Simmons for the right to be Donut’s grooms’ people. Wash, much to his distress, has been appointed Doc’s best man, with Caboose as the other.

In the end, Grif is Donut’s best man, and Mitch is his other party member. Wash flat out refuses to organize any bachelor parties, which is good, because Doc apparently doesn’t believe in them.

Shannon runs through the barn, throwing pink and purple flower petals everywhere. The sheep eat most of them. The rings that Joel runs down the aisle on the old family pillow with a llama on it are made of plastic, but Wash doesn’t doubt Donut will have them replaced with expensive, is possibly tacky, ones soon enough.

Sarge makes an over the top speech about love and commitment, and threatens Doc three times (and Grif once, but they’ve all come to expect that by now.) And then he declares, “Now you can kiss the groom! That’s an order!”

If Wash’s face is wet when his brother charges down the aisle with his husband in hand, being pelted by rice by all their friends and family, well, nobody mentions it.

Until the next day, when Simmons shows off the pictures that he took, complete with many close-ups of Wash’s face, and he and Grif heckle him for it.

But that’s tomorrow.

Today Carolina is teaching Caboose to waltz, and Mom and Donut cut a rug, and Doc tries to do karaoke, and Simmons and Grif are making out like teenagers in the corner. Today Tucker grabs Wash’s hand and tugs him onto the dancefloor, laughing when he sees Wash’s expression.

Today, Wash just watched his little brother get married.

And he couldn’t be happier.


	4. outshine the morning sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andi and Mitch are new at this whole motherhood thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anon prompted: Mitch and Niner bringing home one of their kids for the first time. I cheated, and showed both of them, because I owe these two nice things after Don’t Take This Sinner From Me.

“Well,” Mitch says, laughing as they make their way into the house. “I’ve always thought this house was too big for the two of us.”

“Probably too big for the three of us,” Niner points out, rolling into the kitchen, Shannon on her lap. .

Mitch smiles. “Well, I think it’s a bit soon to be talking about siblings,” she says practically. “And I’m definitely going to be going for a winter kid. No way I’m missing the harvest because of a pregnancy.”

Niner raises an eyebrow at her wife as Mitch goes and retrieves things from the fridge. “Oh?”

“Definitely,” Mitch says, while Niner rocks Shannon slightly. “Why waste all these wonderful genes?” She gestures to herself, smirking. “Besides, Shannon’s going to get bored on this farm all by herself. I give her until age three before she falls off something tall and dangerous.”

Niner snorts, looking down at her kid. She finds it hard to believe that this kid was the lump in her stomach last week. It feels so surreal, being a mother. “Well, maybe we really do need to give her a sibling. Keep her out of trouble.”

Mitch grins. “I don’t know what it was like in _your_ family, Andi, but siblings were never a _deterrent_ for trouble.”

“Maybe if we have less, it will decrease the trouble potential,” Niner offers.

“Well, we’re definitely having less than your family,” Mitch says, as Shannon starts to cry. “I can’t even name all my in-laws.”

“That’s really not saying much. Reality show stars have less children than my family,” Niner says, while Mitch moves things over to the stove. 

“I’m thinking we’ll stick with just one for the moment,” Mitch says, cracking an egg into a pan. “We’ll see how it goes.”

Niner smiles, and keeps rocking their kid.

* * *

“Look at him,” Mitch coos, holding their baby. “He’s got my hair,”

Niner squints at the kid. “It looks dark,” she says, skeptical.

“It’ll lighten,” Mitch says, smiling.

“If you say so,” Niner laughs, pulling the car into the driveway. “Here, give me him. You need to get the chair.”

“On it,” Mitch says, passing Joel over. “Welcome home, baby,” she says, brushing her fingers against his forehead briefly.

Joel squirms, not as comfortable in Niner’s grip as he is in Mitch’s. But he settles soon enough, and Niner stares at him.

“Hope you take more after your Ma, kid,” Niner mutters. “Good thing you’ve got her genes.”

The door swings open, and Niner holds out Joel for Mitch to take while she exits the van and gets into her chair.

“Mama! Mommy!” Shannon charges them the minute the door opens. Jackie is standing on the porch, laughing.

“She’s excited to meet her little brother!” She says.

“Who can blame her?” Martha says, Shadow following her out of the house obediently. “Remember how you got when Mom brought Frank home from the hospital?”

Jackie squints. “No I don’t, I only have memories of you telling that story every birthday since I was three,” she says, disapproving. “That’s not how memories _work_ , Martha.”

Martha waves her hand. “It was hilarious, that’s what it is,” she says.

Niner snorts at her sisters-in-law’s bickering, and takes Shannon onto her lap so Mitch can show their daughter the baby better.

“He’s so _small_!” Shannon whispers, awed.

“You were smaller,” Mitch says, kissing Shannon on the forehead. “You take more after your mom.”

“What if Joel’s like Auntie Jackie?” Shannon asks. “I’ll be taller than him then!”

“Yes! More short people in this family!” Jackie says. “Let’s get some variety here, right Andi?”

Niner laughs.

“C’mon,” Martha says. “Let’s get some testosterone in this house.”

“Did you take a picture to send to Frank yet?” Jackie asks. “He’s going to be so sad he missed this.”

“Already sent it,” Mitch says. “His ship is on its way back.” She squeezes Niner’s hand. “He’ll be home in a week or so.”

They all grin, and they all head inside.

“Think four’s enough?” Mitch asks Niner that night.

“I’m thinking the four of us is enough,” Niner agrees. “God knows, they’ll be enough trouble.”


	5. You’ll Never Be Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tucker and Wash move in together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked for: “Washington and Tucker moving into their house in donut sibs.” And I couldn’t resist the chance to slip in a lot more Red and Blue shenanigans in here, because there haven’t been enough of them lately.

Wash sets down his can of paint, and steps back.

“Looks great,” he says to Tucker, who’s covered from head to toe in teal paint from earlier.

“Hell yeah,” Tucker says with a grin. “We’re finally done!” This is slightly louder, directed to Grif and Simmons. Simmons is painting, while Grif is napping in the shade. Grif raises his hand into the air, middle finger extended.

“Language in front of the kid!” Wash yells. Junior snorts, amused by the idea that his family would watch their language.

“Shut up Blue,” Simmons says, sounding exhausted. “You lot only had that one house. We’ve got three.” He jerks his thumb towards the already-completed Donut-and-Doc house. Sarge’s house isn’t nearly done, but Sarge is on the roof, hammering nails like nobody’s business. Even though Wash is pretty sure the roof is already done. He doubts Martha’s going to be happy about it.

Wash laughs, and goes for his water bottle.

It’s so strange. Things are starting to settle down again, after everything that happened. Of course, that probably means that they’re due for another shitstorm in the near future, but Wash is trying not to stress too much about it. He’s learned his lesson about tempting fate.

“You boys done?” Carolina asks, driving up on her mongoose.

“Yep,” Wash says, pouring a bit of his water over his head.

“The Reds aren’t!” Tucker says with a grin.

Carolina raises her eyebrow. “I didn’t realize the goal was to _wear_ the paint,” she says dryly.

“Sarge decided if I was going to be a blue, I might as well look like it,” Tucker says flatly.

Carolina started to laugh; a sound that was too rare, even these days. “Well, Niner’s finished cooking,” she says, once she manages to get herself under control, but her green eyes are almost soft. “We should probably get back to the house before she locks us out again.”

“Seriously,” Tucker complains. “This grudge of hers against you two is getting ridiculous.”

“I’m fairly sure that’s just her idea of a joke at this point,” Wash says, offering Tucker his water bottle. Tucker opens it and pours it over his head, but it’s a fruitless endeavor—the paint has started to dry.

“Will Mitch even let me in the front door?” Tucker wonders, looking down at himself.

“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Carolina says mysteriously, before she starts up her mongoose again and drives off.

Wash frowns after her. “Well that sounds ominous…”

“And that’s coming from _you_ ,” Grif points out.

Junior lets out an amused honk.

“C’mon guys!” Donut says. His hair is flecked with pink paint, and his grin is wide. He looks ridiculously at home in the paint-splattered coveralls he’s wearing, even though it’s a far cry from his usual getup. “Let’s get home! I bet we can ram into Carolina if we put some thrust into it!”

There was the usual painful silence following Donut’s words.

“You’d _think_ we’d get used to it,” Simmons mutters.

“I think we have. He just keeps ramping it up,” Grif says.

Tucker nudges Wash in the side. “So, you’re still planning on living in the Big House, right?” He asks, almost too casually. Wash frowns as he gets on the mongoose. Tucker, instead of grabbing his own, gets onto the same one as Wash, wrapping his arms around Wash’s waist. Wash freezes instinctively before forcing himself to relax. “Dude, we’re dating. I think a little mongoose action is perfectly acceptable,” Tucker says, and Wash _knows_ Tucker’s rolling his eyes at him, so he doesn’t say anything. He just guns the engine and starts driving.

“Yes, I’m planning on staying in the house,” Wash says. “I don’t particularly want to move into the barn—I don’t know how the others stood it. It smells like sheep shit.”

“Dude, I’m pretty sure after living with Grif for that long, the Reds have no sense of smell,” Tucker snorts.

“Fuck you, Blue!” Grif yells.

“You wish, Red!” Tucker returns cheerfully.

They pull into the driveway, and Wash frowns.

“What’s Martha doing with the water pump?”

That’s when he hears Lopez laughing, and Martha turns the hose on.

Wash knows the water pump. It goes to the farm’s well. It doesn’t _not_ have the kind of water pressure to remove a coat of paint from skin, or to knock a grown man to the ground.

But it seems that Lopez has fixed that ‘oversight’, and possibly found a way to make the water even colder, because it’s _freezing_.

“Martha!” He splutters, and then Martha shamelessly douses him again. Her laugh rings out.

“So _that’s_ what Carolina meant,” Tucker grumbles, now looking very clean, but also very wet. Junior’s laughing, which makes Wash suspect that he was in on the joke, even though he’s as soaked as the rest of them.

Martha finally turns off the hose, still laughing. “Esa fue su mejor idea, sin embargo, Lopez,” she grins, grabing the robot on the shoulder fondly.

“You two are terrible. You are the worst people ever. Of all time,” Wash says, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes.

Martha grins. “I figured you guys could use some refreshments, after working in the hot sun all day.”

“Me tomó tres horas para fijar la bomba de agua. Vale la pena cada segundo,” Lopez adds.

“One day, I swear I’m going to take that Spanish language course,” Wash grumbles.

“Sí, porque eso funcionó tan bien para su hermano pequeño. Idiota.”

“You’re so right Lopez!” Donut does not seem to mind being wet at all. “It _would_ be great to get some more multi-culturalism on this farm!”

“Idiota.”

“There are towels on the porch!” Jackie calls, and the Reds and Blues all race to get the appropriately colored towels.

“Did you know about this?” Wash demands, accepting the light blue towel from his youngest sister with a frown.

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Jackie says breezily.

“Hey Wash,” Tucker says, grabbing his shoulder. “No, but what I was wanting to ask earlier. Since you’re planning to live next door to your sister and her super-hot wife—” He doesn’t even pause before ducking the shoe Mitch throws. “I was thinking… maybe you’d prefer to move in with me and Junior?”

Wash falls off the porch.

“I’m thinking that’s a yes?” Tucker yells, leaning over to help Wash out of Mitch’s flowerbeds.

Wash stares at him. “You’re—you’re—I—what—you—”

“Dude, I think you broke him,” Grif stage-whispers.

“Wash!” Tucker waves his hand in front of Wash’s face. “You okay in there, dude?”

Wash recovers, and nods quickly. “Yes. Yes I’m fine.”

Tucker waits expectantly. “And…?”

“I—yes. I’d love to.”

“Fuck yeah!” Tucker punches the air, and then he grabs Wash’s collar and kisses him.

“Don’t make me turn the hose on again!” Martha yells.

“Don’t interrupt their moment!” Simmons says.

“Oh good,” Niner says, rolling onto the porch. “Because I already told Mikey he could have your room.”


	6. Smorgasbord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reds and Blues go to the county fair. Grif is in heaven.

“I cannot believe you’ve never told me about this,” Grif whispers in awe, staring at the bustle around them.

“But Grif! I’ve told you about the fair a thousand times!” Donut says, hands propped on his hips.

“No Donut, you’ve told me the story about how you wrestled a greased pig a thousand times,” Grif says. “You’ve never told me that there’s a place where _literally everything is deep fat fried_.”

The Iowa State Fair was one of the most traditional places left in a still very traditional state. There were booths with bright signs, advertising every kind of food, as long as it was deep fried, chocolate coated, or on a stick. Music could be heard faintly over the bustle of the crowds and the sounds of animals, and the odor of animal shit managed to permeate the smell of popcorn and hotdogs.

“You’re going to destroy my heart, aren’t you?” Simmons says dully, looking vaguely horrified.

“You act like he didn’t already,” Tucker says cheerfully, hands in his pockets as he looked around.

“No, he’s definitely told you about the food before,” Wash says to Grif as blandly as possible in order to hide his smirk. “I remember. He told you about how he swallowed a corndog whole and then you started—”

“That’s right!” Donut grins proudly. “I have _great_ control over my gag reflex.”

Grif and Simmons make identical horrified expressions. “Please stop there,” Simmons begs. Donut, oblivious as ever, plows on.

“You know, it took lots of practice, but I eventually got deep throating those babies down! And I’m always sure to swallow!” Donut beams.

“Why wouldn’t you swallow it? It’s _food_ , what else do you do with it? That’s just so unnecessary!” Simmons is flushing brightly, unable to even look at Donut at the moment.

“Dude, look on the bright side. At least he didn’t call them wieners,” Tucker says. He nudges Wash, waggling his eyebrows. “Hey Wash—”

“If you continue that sentence, I will hurt you,” Wash says.

Tucker makes a face. “You’re no fun.”

“That’s not what you said last night,” Grif calls, smirking. Tucker flips him off.

Donut beams. “C’mon, I’ve got to show you my favorite places!”

“Did we lose Doc?” Wash asks, slightly hopeful.

“I mean, last time we didn’t notice we’d lost him, so probably not,” Simmons says as they all weave between the crowd, following Donut.

“Of course not!” Donut calls behind him. “He’s volunteering at the medi-tent!”

“Probably giving sunstroke victims orange juice or something,” Tucker says, snorting.

 “Ta-da!” Donut says, spreading his arms out wide to show off the chicken barn.

“Why am I not surprised that Donut’s favorites are the roosters?” Simmons asks the world at large, sounding very tired.

Grif, surprisingly, doesn’t make the necessary follow-up joke. Instead, he appears to be distracted by…

Oh god.

“A pie-eating contest,” Grif says almost reverentially.

“No,” Simmons says immediately.

“You can’t stop me, Simmons,” Grif is already heading for the sign up table.

“Grif!” Simmons makes a move to tackle Grif, but nothing gets between Grif and unlimited pastries.

“He’s a man on a mission,” Tucker says, brushing Wash’s hand with his own briefly. Wash smiles at him, then frowns.

“Where’s Junior?”

“Oh right, you weren’t there,” Tucker says with a nod. “Sarge took the kids to the rides.”

Wash stares. “You left Sarge unsupervised with the kids.”

“Grey’s with him! I’m sure it will be fine.”

“Tucker, Junior’s probably too tall for most of the rides!”

Tucker frowns at him. “I’m pretty sure it’s a “you must be at least this tall to ride”, dude, not a “you can’t be an alien” to ride.”

“There are still height limits!” Wash says, and Tucker starts to grin as his voice rises. Wash finds himself flushing slightly at the grin on Tucker’s face.

“Calm down, Wash,” Tucker says, grabbing Wash around the waist, pulling them together. He bumps Wash’s nose with his own before kissing him quickly. “Dude. He’ll be fine.”

“You two are so gross,” Grif has returned from the sign-up table triumphant. Simmons has buried his face in his hands in despair.

“Says the guy with the wedding ring,” Tucker sings, letting Wash go.

“Niner has Caboose, right?” Wash asks.

Simmons nods. “He’s her baking assistant.”

“Caboose? In a kitchen?” Grif actually looks concerned there, but it’s probably for the safety of the food more than anything to do with property damage or lives lost.

“Niner has it under control, I’m sure,” Wash says, but he’s worried too.

In the background, there was a faint explosion.

“I’m sure that has nothing to do with Caboose,” Wash says slowly.

They all exchange looks.

“Blue team problems,” Grif says immediately.

Tucker flips Grif off again before he and Wash start running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want more Donut Sibs? Head on over to the tag on [tumblr](http://www.secretlystephaniebrown.tumblr.com/'tagged/donut-siblings), which has conversations, shenanigans, and even some fanart!

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Niner being Wash's sister-in-law amuses me greatly, so I couldn't resist slipping that in.


End file.
